Laurentina’s Restaurant

If I ran a restaurant, the menu would be so exciting (for me). Each item would list the ingredients that comprise the thing. Perhaps I would name them, but you would find dishes like this:

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Almonds, cashews, sunflower seeds, and four cheese pasta sauce. So good!
Optional toppings: dulse flakes, hemp hearts, sauerkraut (as a base)

Maybe each dish will be accompanied by a thought to meditate on. I think we’d have a philosophy supportive if people coming alone, not conversing, not watching tv, checking phones, or reading. Just silently eating and concentrating on the food and filling yourself with gratitude.

When I checked my last grocery bill I found that the purple asparagus I had purchased cost me $10. WHAT?!!

So this morning, when I ate a spear, I challenged it. I talked to it. I asked it, “So what about you is so good that you and your siblings cost me $10?” And then, as I bit into and chewed it, I waited for the answer. I concentrated on every morsel. I felt its texture. When I was done, I understood. The $10 was to get me to pay attention. I hope I will have the same experience with every remaining spear in the bunch.

And that I will improve my ventriloquism skills.

Unlike this nut pasta, which I am eating while I type. That so goes against the grain of what I’m trying to do with my meditative feasting!

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I bought dozens of groceries, but this meal needs only 3.

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Spinach, goat cheese, and hemp hearts.

Why not, right?

Should I add brown rice? Toasted sesame oil? Four cheese pasta sauce?

Last night Tammy made steamed kale, chick peas, and a sauce of fresh lemon juice, crushed garlic and olive oil. So good! It was meant to include avocados, which we forgot to buy, and I added hemp hearts. She was so excited to be eating a vegan meal – very uncharacteristic for this meatitarian, but I love it when non-vegetarians get excited to be eating healthy delicious vegan meals. Also, it must have cost about $3 in ingredients. (Unlike our $130 grocery bills. So ridiculous!)

Food on!

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Found Art

In the visual art world, it’s already a common phenomenon.

It has yet to break into the world of culinary arts.

I aim to change all that. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: Found Food.

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Just look at this delicious recipe culled together from various locations. A vegetable tray from an event last night. Lettuce leftovers from Salad Club. Clementines purchased for a pot luck. Organic carrots from payment for a class I taught. And salad dressing ingredients culled from my own kitchen — roommate’s fridge, gifts from friends, etc.

Here is how you make a delicious salad:

-start with the ingredient that most (silly) people just toss away: the purple lettuce that people think is on trays merely for decoration
-add green lettuce from Salad Club (not necessary if not handy)
-cut up red and green peppers from the fancy tray, add pimento and black olives, cherry tomatoes, cut up celery and carrot sticks, pickles slices optional (my vote: yes!)
-add the tangerines that you brought to the pot luck but nobody wanted

Amazing Dressing:

-soak chia seeds for starter protein
-spoonful of cocoa powder
-scrape in some coconut manna
-spoon and a half of stirred tahini
-add drops of walnut oil
-forkful of honey

Combine dressing ingredients into your drinking glass, add water as you see fit, and stir. Attempt to spread over your assembled salad ingredients. Contemplate whether failed attempt to spread evenly indicates not enough water. Photograph for your lovely blog.

Realize that, yes, I should have tossed in that apple.

Bon Apetit!

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The Salad Dressing to Top All Salad Dressings

I like my food like I like my food photography: hastily put together and quickly devoured.

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Start with one soft, brown banana that’s just gotten to the point where it’s been in the fridge too long. Squish it with a fork until it’s mushy. Following a newly discovered rule about salad dressing, add cold-compressed extra virgin olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Pour in the tahini. Add a spoonful of cocoa powder. Pour in water, and don’t forget that we’re mixing after each step. Spoonful of goji powder. Half a spoonful of whole vanilla bean powder. Realize that the last item added will determine texture, and the vanilla powder has the worst texture of all ingredients. Pour in more tahini.

Put mixture in the fridge, take a shower, and when you are ready, serve. Dip a baby carrot into mixture. Pour it over yesterday’s Salad Club leftover ingredients. Allow vegetables to swim in it. Make this sauce your own. Enjoy!

Realize that you’ve forgotten about the coconut. Oy vei! Publish blog post anyway, then mix in the coconut manna. Pour yourself some juice. You deserve it.

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Black beans — All dressed up with somewhere to go!

Another pot luck today. And though I have found the perfect solution in buying ten clementines, that costs nearly $2, and I’d rather use items found in my pantry. So here we have…

Can of black beans
Lime, sliced and cut up
Lemon, sliced and cut up
Random herbs from my fridge
Extra virgin olive oil

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(It look better in the picture than in real life.)

Items I debated but opted not to use:
Chia seeds
Garlic, cut up
Vinegar
Toasted sesame oil
Romano beans
Coconut milk

It tastes adequate enough, if not a bit strong on the citrus-tartness. We’ll see what the folks have to say about it tonight!

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New Sandwich

You know what makes for a really good sandwich cover? For those avoiding processed wheat, wrap your crunchy substance inside a roll of seaweed. It’s like a lettuce wrap, but even healthier.

I’m eating that now with my crunchy organic peanut butter. So good! And it is such a relief to be eating organic peanut butter again. I was avoiding it because of how it absorbs toxins, but peanuts, I can’t stay away from you forever.

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What to do with your leftover swiss chard in the morning

  • stems of swiss chard (cut up)
  • banana (the same)
  • tahini, cocoa powder, and water mixture
  • honey
  • hot sauce
  • brown rice protein powder

This simple hot and sweet dish was just what I needed to clear my sore throat this morning.

Someone in seminary once told me that it was the wisdom of Maimonides, an ancient Jewish physician and philosopher, who said the problem with many people is that they are full of shit. Clearing the bowels is a good solution to a high number of medical problems. (Drinking lots of water helps.)

However, Maimonides didn’t have my toilet, and he didn’t have my landlord. Thus, I now follow another piece of ancient Jewish wisdom, and I top off my meals with matzah, which is renowned for its constipatory powers. Take that, fibre!

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